A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

#1. Solemly ask if your apartment makes you look fat, then burst into tears.

#2. Convince him to role-play in the bedroom as Brad and Angelina...and start callng him Angelina.

#3. Say "We need to talk."

#4. Throw out all his DVDs and replace them with copies of "The Wedding Singer", "The Wedding Planner", "My Best Friend's Wedding", "Wedding Crashers", and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".

#5. Interpret his request to spice things up in the sack to mean shaving a biohazaerd symbol into your pubic hair.

#6. Casually say "Did I ever tell you that you remind me of my dad?" ...imediately after sex.

#7. After saying goodbye, run after him to ask "Seriously, are you going to call me? Cause if you're not, just tell me now."

#8. "Accidentally" bump into his parents (on their porch, in the far away city where they live) before he's introduced you.

#9. Replace all the numbrs on his phone with your own digits, so that no matter who he tries to call, he gets you.

#10. Whenever he's behind a closed door, locked or not, break it down with an ax.