Checking my blood sugar and doing my injections while I was in hospital was easy. The nurses watch you do it. Doing it at home (and staying away from the chocolate biscuits) is gonna be hard.
The boyfriend wants to help me through it as best he can, but he's not here with me right now. I'm on my own. Two of my friends have already told me that they want nothing more to do with me. I knew this was gonna show me who my real mates are. When the weight starts to come back, I'll lose the more shallow friends I have. Tom keeps asking why I did it. He dosn't understand. he dosn't understand that to get the "amazing body" he couldn't keep his hands off took months of skipping injections and eating virtually nothing. Oh well.
Wish me luck.

Diary of a Dead Girl is about to get dark...

I haven't been on the blogs for a while, because I've been in hospital for the last three days.

Friday 21st March 2008 (Good Friday).
3.30 pm, Rosebank Ward, Wick General Hospital.
This is the first time I've tried to write anything since I've been admitted. I'm not sure how much reflective writing I want to do if I'm going to get councilling (the doctors have been talking about it, and I think it would help alot). Maybe its a good thing, writing allows you to reveal a side of yourself that dosn't emerge when you're talking or socialising. Anthony Kedis said that. I think. I'll look it up when I get out.
Writing hurts. Physically and mentally. I have three drips in my wrists. The one in this hand (my right hand) is for insulin, I'm on what they call a sliding scale. It delivers a constant stream of insulin into my body. Then theres one valve in my left wrist with two drip lines coming off it. One has saline solution (to re-hydrate me), and the other is a water solution with 10% dextrose (to counter the effect of the insulin so I don't have a hypo) in it. The drips are painful, but its gonna help me. I'm feeling positive about it all though.
I've been skipping my injections.
Stupid I know. The really stupid thing is that I don't even know why I started skipping. Weight loss wasn't the reason why, just one of the "benefits".
Anyway, the weight started dropping off and I could feel myself getting sick. I was constantly thirsty and could drink about 10 pints of water in a few hours. Easy.
I've been skipping for months. Eventually I got sick of feeling sick. I sent Sue a text. I told her what I'd been doing, and asked for help. For me thats something big. I try to be independant. But when I really need help, I'll ask for it.
I went to my doctor, and he reffered me to the local hospital to get myself stabalised, that was yesterday. I was put in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) first. They hooked me up to a heart rate monitor and chained me to the three drips. Thats how I feel. Chained. The nurses have to unplug me when I need to pee.
I hate the drip machines.
I'm now in a regular ward, not the ICU. During visiting hours I had to pee. So I buzzed the nurse. She came in and started to unplug me. She got the two drips in my left hand off, no problem. But the left one was stuck. She pulled and twisted it really hard. Owch! Then it came free. We had obviosly knocked it or ripped it, as blood when everywhere. I was covered, so was she, the bed, Sue, pillows. Everywhere.
We got the bleeding stopped and I was allowed to go and pee.
When I get out of the hospital I'm gonna have to tell most of my friends and family.
I will gain new friends during my recovery.
I will lose some.
And there will be blood...

1. "Back in Black" - AC/DC
2. "Dreaming Out Loud" - One Republic
3. "An American Haunting" - DVD
4. "Hand Built By Robots" - Newton Faulkner
5. "Rush - R30 - 30TH Anniversary World Tour (2 Disc Edition)" - DVD/CD
6. "Rush In Rio" - Rush
7. "20TH Century Masters" - Rob Zombie
8. "Billy Talent 2" - Billy Talent
9. "Foiled" - Blue October
10. "Mothership - Very Best Of" - Led Zepplin

See I have gooooood music tastes

Yarr and Happy Birthday to Old Nick!
Hope you get your rum and salty wenches at some point today.

Men, when you honk your car horns at me in the street it simply drives me wild with desire!
Bloody stop it!

A ton of cash hitting my minimalist bank account... then me withdrawing most of it.
The dog's bollocks of computers (my new iMAC)
Me cooking Hungarian food for dinner
Tom totally blowing me off
Applying for a job in a funeral directors
Having a complete screaming match with my dad over the dishwasher
My puppy, Peggy, teething and chewing everything
Organising my tattoo apointment
buying "Shaun of The Dead" on DVD and its still sitting in its plastic wrapping on my coffee table
Lots of Vodka and Diet Coke
Sneaking off down the Pub with Hannah and Calum
Getting my school report
running after handing the parents my school report
Ian (my dad's good m8) coming up to see us soon.

On Sunday it was my 18th Birthday!!! Yay! Unfortunately I couldn't post anything on here as my laptop is literally in pieces. But I have to boast that I got 585 page views from 29 people. Somebody loves me!
I want to work on saturday. I went into Tesco before work and bought a bottle of Vodka and a bottle of diet coke. I then went into New Look and bought a pair of grey size 8 (!) jeans. I'm now a size 8 *looks down at the size 12 jeans that are falling off me* I need some smaller clothes.
Anyway I bought the Vodka and Coke cos I was ment to go over to Tom's after work. I went to work. And at about 2pm I got a text from Tom saying that as he'd got completetly pissed the night before he wasn't feeling up to it. So I called Sue and asked her to collect me at 6pm. We went back into Tescos and got something yummy for dinner (KFC). Then we had birthday cake and tequila slammers.
I was rudely awakened on Sunday morning by Peggy my new puppy. We opened my cards and mt birthday presents. I got £740 in total from my family, a bottle of perfume from G, a bottle of perfume from Pete and Sue, a box of diabetic chocolates from the dogs, a silver plated jewellery box from Robert, and a bottle of perfume and a bottle of bath milk from Rachel. A good hall really.
At 8pm we went out to the Indian Palace for dinner. They had put up a banner and done a cake for me. Ian and Khalan had the whole restaurant singing happy birthday to me. Embarrassing but lovely.