Diary of a Dead Girl is about to get dark...

I haven't been on the blogs for a while, because I've been in hospital for the last three days.

Friday 21st March 2008 (Good Friday).
3.30 pm, Rosebank Ward, Wick General Hospital.
This is the first time I've tried to write anything since I've been admitted. I'm not sure how much reflective writing I want to do if I'm going to get councilling (the doctors have been talking about it, and I think it would help alot). Maybe its a good thing, writing allows you to reveal a side of yourself that dosn't emerge when you're talking or socialising. Anthony Kedis said that. I think. I'll look it up when I get out.
Writing hurts. Physically and mentally. I have three drips in my wrists. The one in this hand (my right hand) is for insulin, I'm on what they call a sliding scale. It delivers a constant stream of insulin into my body. Then theres one valve in my left wrist with two drip lines coming off it. One has saline solution (to re-hydrate me), and the other is a water solution with 10% dextrose (to counter the effect of the insulin so I don't have a hypo) in it. The drips are painful, but its gonna help me. I'm feeling positive about it all though.
I've been skipping my injections.
Stupid I know. The really stupid thing is that I don't even know why I started skipping. Weight loss wasn't the reason why, just one of the "benefits".
Anyway, the weight started dropping off and I could feel myself getting sick. I was constantly thirsty and could drink about 10 pints of water in a few hours. Easy.
I've been skipping for months. Eventually I got sick of feeling sick. I sent Sue a text. I told her what I'd been doing, and asked for help. For me thats something big. I try to be independant. But when I really need help, I'll ask for it.
I went to my doctor, and he reffered me to the local hospital to get myself stabalised, that was yesterday. I was put in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) first. They hooked me up to a heart rate monitor and chained me to the three drips. Thats how I feel. Chained. The nurses have to unplug me when I need to pee.
I hate the drip machines.
I'm now in a regular ward, not the ICU. During visiting hours I had to pee. So I buzzed the nurse. She came in and started to unplug me. She got the two drips in my left hand off, no problem. But the left one was stuck. She pulled and twisted it really hard. Owch! Then it came free. We had obviosly knocked it or ripped it, as blood when everywhere. I was covered, so was she, the bed, Sue, pillows. Everywhere.
We got the bleeding stopped and I was allowed to go and pee.
When I get out of the hospital I'm gonna have to tell most of my friends and family.
I will gain new friends during my recovery.
I will lose some.
And there will be blood...